Lost Kitten
by SagaciousSagittarius
Summary: Annie is lost in the monster she's become. It's gonna take a lot to find her. Trigger Warning: drug addiction/abuse, parental abuse, mentions of rape/non-con, suicidal thoughts. (Modern/High School AU)
1. Chapter 1

_ It's hard to explain what it feels like. I become a different person when I use. I'm a lion. I'm not someone you can mess with. I'm a beast. My dad can't touch me. I'm a wolf. Knives can't hurt anymore (neither can fists). I'm a monster. Nothing can come near me. I'll destroy it. I'm invincible. I was broken, and it took meth to fix me._

I can't believe I'm doing this. Being back in school after you've skipped three weeks of being in a psych ward is pretty insane. I'm not sure how the hell I'm even managing to sit up straight at my desk… Oh no, I'm actually not sitting up straight. My head's down on my desk, stringy blonde bangs covering my eyes so maybe no one would notice me. I also kept my arms wrapped around my head as I stay in this position to further conceal my identity. It doesn't work.

The person I'm sitting next to is tapping me on my shoulder. I toss my head up at them, giving a lazy look. Hopefully, if I look tired enough – which, fuck yes, I am – they'll be more sympathetic about my appearance today. I look like I haven't showered in days and honestly, I haven't. I didn't have much time to gussy up this morning, so I went with a navy-blue sweatshirt and a pair of jeans I found on the floor that didn't smell _too_ offending. This quick get-up didn't help me however; I was late for school anyways.

The student is pointing to the front of the class and I suddenly remember what planet I'm on. I must've looked great, staring at him with a glazed look on my eyes and my mouth open. The sudden thought reminds me that I didn't have the time to put on makeup this morning.

"Leonhardt!" I now realize why this guy was trying to get me to look towards the front. Sounds like the teacher's calling my name. That means I have to turn my head, pay attention to what he says, and answer any question he has for me.

I could only mumble 'yes' to his call, and on any day I could tell you this was not a good answer for a teacher.

My Algebra 2 teacher, Mr. Zakarius, ushered me to the front of the class to his desk. I reluctantly stood up and tried to quickly and quietly walk though the rows of desks without tripping over anyone's books or feet. Even though my mind wasn't registering what was going on too well, I was still able to trudge to the front of the classroom – looking like a normal teenager – without an incident.

Mr. Z's eyes were cold when they looked at me from behind some paperwork he was holding. I clenched my hands together as I stood in front of his desk, trying to ignore the aching pain in my stomach.

Zakarius let out a long sigh. "Well Annie," he finally said. I could tell he must've been thinking about what to say for a while now. "It seems you've been out for quite a while. Three weeks was it?"

"Yes, sir," I replied, amazed that I could even say that much. My voice sounded raspy and cold and foreign. I swallowed, hoping I would sound more like myself the next time I spoke.

"That's an _awfully_ long time. Must've been some cold you had, huh." He raised an eyebrow at me accusingly.

"Yes, it is. Was. But, I've already had a discussion about this with Principal Smith. He says as long as I am responsible with my classes and get anything above C's on my report card, he'd let it go."

"Let it go?"

"You see sir," I could hear the lion roar coming in the back of my throat and tried my hardest to tame it. "There's a little more to this story, as I'm sure you can guess." Now it was my turn to regard my teacher coldly. "And I had a conversation about all these other things with Mr. Smith."

Mr. Z looked a little embarrassed with himself. "Well, I didn't here him mention anything about this the last time I talked to him… But, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

I just continued to hold my hands together and try to look focused and normal.

"Now tell me," He said, leaning back in his chair, which creaked slightly in response. "How the hell do you expect to learn the material we covered while you were out?" Mr. Z smirked and looked less like a teacher and more like a challenger. How could a teacher ask this of a student?

"I-I don't know," I managed to say in a really soft voice. What the hell had gotten into me that made it hard to talk to teachers?

"That is what I wanted to talk to you about. I wouldn't want to have you repeat a year, and given the… _extensive length_ of your unexplained absences I thought that was what we might just have to do-"

"Sir, I told you that there's a little more to this story. I've _explained _it all to Principal Smith." I clenched my jaw to stop myself there. I had already sounded like I wanted to bite his head off in those two sentences.

"I understand that you've explained it all to Mr. Smith." I noticed the less composed tone of voice he now used. "But, and you are smart, so tell me. Can he explain a the rational zeroes theorem?"

I bit my lip. I guess I was trying to avoid the inevitable - making up for my lost time in class.

"Should I stay after school?" The question seemed innocent to me, like something a child would say after they'd been caught.

He harrumphed and stepped out of the chair. "No," he said bluntly. "I don't have time for you after school." He began to walk to the back of the classroom and ushered me to follow him.

I was still debating on whether the comment he made about 'not having time' for me was an honest statement or if it was meant to hurt me. Like I needed to be teased at a time like this.

When we reached the far end of the classroom, he spoke again. "Annie, I think you need a tutor." With that, he placed his hand on the boy in the closest desk's shoulder. "Do you know Armin?"

I… knew of Armin. Armin Arlet. He was one of those kids who always got perfect grades without trying. Maybe he was trying, though. I had never really seen him without his nose in some book or paper.

Armin looked from Mr. Z to me. When he looked at me, he had those deer-caught-in-headlights eyes. I couldn't bring myself to smile and try to look friendly towards him. Hell, if I were someone else I'd be scared of me too. Especially given my current state of dishevelment.

"What's that?" Armin asked Zakarius.

"Well Armin, you've got the top grades in this class, and you've helped pull Jaeger's grades up."

Eren Jaeger, who was sitting in the seat next to Armin, snapped up from his work as soon as his name was said. He turned back to his work and mumbled, "My grades weren't even _that_ bad…"

Paying no attention, Mr. Z continued. "So, I thought, since you're a good tutor and are always staying after school anyway, you could stick around and help out Annie!"

"I-I'm not sure… I don't know if I have the –"

"You can find the time! C'mon Armin, you're a nice kid."

"Um, I guess I could. On Wednesdays, maybe Thursdays."

"Perfect! I knew I could count on you, kid." He patted Armin on the back despite the uncomfortable look that still remained on the blonds face. "Annie, I'll go get you some of the work you have to make up. Oh, I should go make some copies for Armin too, so he knows what to cover." He gave a thumbs up to Armin and left.

I'd never seen a teacher more thankful to not have to teach a student.

"So, Annie," Armin said, rubbing the back of his neck and being careful not to meet my eye. "I'm sure it'll be nice to tutor you! I'm looking forward to it!'

"Sure," I growled. I turned and walked to my desk on the opposite side of the room. I couldn't stand to see his face. It was too innocent.


	2. Chapter 2

My first period, my first assimilation back to life outside hospital walls was over, and it went in no way like planned.

I was expecting to be asked dozens of questions. It felt like no one had noticed I was gone. Exactly like I had thought. And the people at the hospital had told me I was wrong to think this.

It wasn't until lunch that anyone acknowledged my extended absence. I usually eat at a small, circular table towards the back of the cafeteria near the vending machines. There's only one other person who sits there. I've never even spoken to her.

"You haven't been here in a while," she had said, matter-of-factly. I wanted to just snap a 'Duh,' back at her, but I thought that this one girl was the only one who had said anything to me all day.

"No, I haven't." It was nicer than 'duh,' but it sounded like ice coming out of someone like me.

She held a bologna sandwich in front of her mouth, but instead of eating it, she just studied the crust. I noticed she was wearing the same maroon scarf she had every other day I sat with her. "I was a little worried."

_Honey, you had all reasons to be_, I thought. But I didn't say anything. I just nodded and played with a frayed piece of string on my sweatshirt.

"Were you sick or something?"

"Yeah."

"That sucks."

"Yeah."

Scarf-girl gave up after this, ending our enthralling conversation. I felt my stomach growl as the clock ticked and the time since my last meal lengthened. I almost salivated over scarfie's sandwich, but at the same time, the thought of putting anything in my stomach repulsed me. I grabbed hold of my waste and leaned over the table.

The girl pulled some crackers out of her brown paper bag and threw them lazily between us. "You can have some if you want. They're saltines, so they won't hurt your stomach or something."

"No thanks." I really couldn't eat, and I wasn't about to take somebody's lunch.

"S'okay, I know how it feels. I was sick last week."

_Yeah, I'm sure you know how it feels._

She put the saltines back in the paper bag and readjusted the scarf around her neck, indicating she was done eating. "I'm Mikasa, by the way."

"I'm Annie. Leonhardt."

Mikasa stood up, slinging a messengers bag over her shoulder. "Oh, I know," she said.

"Uh…"

"Yeah. My brother talks about you." She paused. "No offense, but I think he hates you. Like, don't worry about it he hates everyone, really. He has a really bad competitive side."

"How does he know me? I mean, what'd I do to him?" Not that I'd ever expect anyone to have a _good_ impression of me.

"He's in your PE class. He says you whooped his ass once. Well, that's not what he said, but from what he told me that's what I got. Eren Jaeger."

I couldn't help but laugh at this a little. I should've figured. But wait… "You're related to him?" I had to try and remember what Eren looked like, or if in my years in the same school district as him I had ever seen his parents. "You don't look alike."

That was an understatement. This chick was Asian! And, as far as I knew, Eren wasn't.

"Not 'related' related, if that's what you mean." She sat back own on one of the little circle seats at the lunch table. "I'm adopted."

"Well that explains it."

Mikasa and I sat staring not quite at each other for a few moments. Mikasa still had her backpack on and looked pretty ready to go. I glanced at the clock on my phone and saw lunch was almost up. I actually sort of regretted it. I really wished I could stay and chill with Mikasa, because I was in no state of mind to go to any of my classes.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later Annie." Mikasa brushed her charcoal black hair out of her face and went to throw her bagged lunch away, just in time for the bell to ring. I just put my earbuds in, clicked on my Pandora app, and went to drift through Chemistry.

As it turns out, I couldn't just drift through Chem. Today was a lab day, and as much as I tried to convince Mx. Zoe that I couldn't participate because I wasn't here and didn't understand the material, they wouldn't listen. Zoe decided to throw me in with an "extra supportive" group.

So I ended up in a group with Marco Bott and Jean Kirstein. Marco was pretty good at catching me up with the material, but Jean just leaned back in his chair, making impatient complaints and trying to balance a pencil on his nose. So in reality only half of this group was supportive.

Marco did most of the work. It seemed like he wanted to, so Jean and I let him. I stayed, quiet as a mouse in my chair. I felt like I was on the edge of the universe. My stomach ached like hell. Nobody noticed.

When the bell rang, Marco had been able to finish most of the lab. All there was to do was write a short report that showed our data.

"Since Annie just got back, and I did all the work," Marco said, waving the lab paper under Jean's nose. "I wonder who should fill out the report?"

"Wait!" Jean backed away from the paper like it was ridden with disease. "Why exactly can't Annie write it? She was here for the experiment! And plus," he began quickly packing up his stuff, ignoring the worksheet. "I have football today."

"Jean, don't be a tool!" He playfully whacked Jean on the shoulder. "Annie's just gotten over a bad cold, and you're gonna make her do your work?"

"It's not my work!"

"It is now," Marco said, slipping the paper into Jean's jacket pocket.

"Hey!" Jean twisted to get to his pocket, but ended up looking like a dog chasing its tail. "Fine, I'll do it. But you better not give me shit when- I mean _if_ we get a bad grade."

"Thanks friend!"

"I gotta get to class," Jean mumbled. "See you later, man."

"Later!"

I tried to walk away, but Marco caught me by the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"Where do you think your going?" He said, with his signature smile on his face.

My cheeks reddened. I didn't even know what I had done! Was something wrong? I couldn't summon the words to ask him.

When Marco saw that I was anxious, his expression changed to worry. "No no no. I'm not trying to scare you. I just wanted to talk with you. Can I walk to gym with you?"

"Sure, I didn't know you had that class. I would've walked with you anyways." No I wouldn't have. Marco's optimism was a little bit sickening.

"Great!" Marco slung his arm through mine and began to march me to the gym. I was completely caught off guard, but I managed to keep a cool expression even as I nearly tripped from being dragged. Man, this kid was a lot stronger than he looked.

"Now," he began, looking both ways and leaning in close as we made our way down the hall. "If you need anyone, Annie, remember: I'm always here."

I couldn't help but look puzzled. "Wha- oh, that's okay. I don't need any-"

"Listen. I don't mean to scare you, but as class president I hear a lot," he paused. "Or, rather, I listen a lot… And the point is, I know your situation."

I froze.

"The hospital," he whispered, as if I didn't fucking know what he was talking about. "I heard Mr. Smith on the phone with your dad… Look, I'm not trying to get into your private life or anything! I just-"

"What? You want to try and help me now?" I felt anger burning a hole in my throat. More like embarrassment than anger, I suppose.

Embarrassed because Marco, this sweet, perfect, likeable kid knew I'd been in the hospital.

Anger because Smith had somehow allowed him to hear this.

Seriously, can't you be a little more discreet when dealing with your students' personal matters? Did he just leave the fucking door to his office wide open as he discussed my current mental state?

"I mean I know I can't help really." Marco seemed a bit flustered now. I bet he wasn't expecting that type of reaction. I bet he'd never _received_ that type of reaction. "I just meant, you know, if you need to vent, or-or help with schoolwork, I'd be there!"

We reached the front doors of the gym at last. I couldn't deal with this anymore. "I don't need your help, Marco. Thanks for the offer though." The only reason he was nice to me in chem was because he knew I was messed up. "I've gotta go get changed now." I should've guessed. He'd never said more than a word to me before.

I walked across the gym to the girls' locker rooms. Marco looked on, like he wanted to say something, but thank god some group of guys came along and started joking around with him and blocking his view of me.

I dressed quickly, putting on the school's gym uniform. I was thankful for the long, grey sweatpants that hid any stories my legs –or thighs- could tell. The simple green t-shirt couldn't do the same for my arms. Looks like I'd be wearing my old sweatshirt to gym, too. That solved that.

Nothing could solve the tears that threatened to spill except for my determination to hold them back. This was the last period, and it wasn't a Wednesday or a Thursday, it was a Tuesday, so I wouldn't have that "tutoring" today. I was in the clear.

And so what if Marco knew? He was okay, he didn't seem like he was gonna go and tell someone. I'm obviously not the first kid in this school to try and off themselves and end up hospitalized for it. So even if he did tell, I bet a lot of people would understand.

…I'm actually glad no one had bombarded me with dozens of questions about why I was out.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am ashamed this is so bad D: I just really wanted to upload something, I felt like I was neglecting this! I _was_ neglecting this. But anyway, this chapter is more of a backstory/lead in to the next chapter..**

* * *

I didn't want to participate in gym, which was really a first.

This was usually one of the only classes I liked, one of the only classes I felt free in. But today, this school felt just as restraining as the hospital.

I wonder if Marco knew what I'd done to end up there.

I can remember that night, like three weeks ago. I was getting home from school, and I knew it was the end. I had marked on my calendar that October 3rd was the day to end my life.

I remember stumbling into the kitchen of my dad's apartment. I remember how restraining the wall there had felt, too.

I had a bottle of wine in one hand, 12 painkillers my dad had stolen from my grandma's house in the other. Hell, if I was gonna end it, I might as well go out in class.

And just as the mix of alcohol and meds began to kick, something possessed me to grab m phone. Dial 911. "I need an ambulance, I can't breathe." My dad coming home after I hung up. "Annie, what the hell! Annie, wake up!" Flashing lights. Waking up in the hospital. Being evaluated _so _many times. "I'm okay now."

Am I? No. But I'm back in the real world now, and people like Marco and Jean won't know I'm not. They won't be able to understand, no matter what.

I plodded from the locker rooms to the gym. When I got there, a fairly large crowd had built up in the center of the room. Marco was there, talking to some friends, so I quickly walked to the other side of the gym to avoid him.

I scanned the sea of heads for our teacher, Mr. Rivaille. I didn't see his familiar bowl cut among the students. Was it possible he was shrinking even more?

By the bleachers, I saw a woman with large, square framed glasses and a clipboard, looking completely disheveled. I decided to try her.

"Excuse me, where is Mr. Rivaille? I haven't been here and-"

"Not here." Her head shot up from the clipboard. "In fact he won't be for a couple of days. I'm the sub."

"Oh great."

"You watch that attitude, missy," she said, wagging a pencil at me and turning to address the class.

The rest of the class went by awfully. Mr. Rivaille was actually one of the best teachers this school had to offer, and despite his threatening demeanor, he was actually a very kind hearted person who liked to teach kids new things. So, I was pretty disappointed when I didn't see him.

We played dodge ball because the sub obviously had no idea what phys ed was. If you don't think Eren Jaeger flipped out over this, you are wrong. He was the first to complain when the game was announced, but he was also the first to pick up a ball and chuck it at Connie Springer's head. Oh, _and_ he was the first to have to sit out of a game for throwing the ball too hard.

While everyone was preoccupied with this, I found the perfect place behind the bleachers to hide out and text my cousin, Reiner. I needed him to come pick me up from school. No way was I taking the bus.

Although he told me to stop texting and pay attention to my schoolwork, he told me he'd be at the school by 2:30 with his "best friend" Berthold. "Friend" my ass.

I glanced at the clock on my phone. 1:45. Only 45 more minutes until I get back to the constricting freedom that is my home.


End file.
